wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
