I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Go christen that room with your naked body.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
