9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize