whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
