I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
