He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize