Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
