We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize