Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
