I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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