I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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