i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
