My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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