Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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