we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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