guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
