Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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