Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize
