Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize