the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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