Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
