Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
