dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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