She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
