Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
