I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
3 2 1 whiskey
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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