We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
