my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
its liver damage thursday
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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