He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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