My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
