I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
