I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
