Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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