I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
