Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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