Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
