Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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