how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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