So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize