well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
