i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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