did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
