Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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