Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
