ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
