Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he thought i was a dude.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
