He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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