her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
