I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
