My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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