im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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