He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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