the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
