4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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