I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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