I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
