Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
