I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
