Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
